...is the love of christ

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. Eph. 3:18

 A church here in San Diego that supports our ministry to SDSU dropped off a truck load of presents to our family today. The pastor told us that God put it on his heart to bless us in this way. It was one of those moments where you are both humbled and confused. Obviously this church is aware that we are raising support and maybe they felt we may be struggling financially to buy presents for our kids this year, but the honest truth is that we are not struggling to buy gifts this year. God has been so faithful to provide for us. Ever since saying yes to Him we have had all our needs taken care of and have been lacking in nothing. It has been humbling to say the least and people have been so generous. If I have learned anything these last few years since becoming a US missionary it is that it is important to be a gracious receiver. We hear a lot about being a generous giver but God has been teaching me in this season of life how to be a gracious receiver, and yes it is humbling at times but always a blessing, and what I have learned is that the blessing often times is more for the giver then it is for the receiver, and we should never stand in the way of a blessing no matter what end of it you are on.
 So when this church dropped a truck load of gifts off at our house I knew I had to except the blessing even though it made no sense to me at the time, but I trusted that God laid it on this pastors heart to do this for a reason. As I piled the gifts up in the corner of our living room I imagined the kids faces when they got home and I was struggling with just what I was going to tell them about this generous gesture because I wanted them to get it... even though I wasn't quit sure I knew what "it" was.  So I began to ask God to give me wisdom to explain what he was doing to my children. So when the kids got home from school Brandon and I sat them down in front of the pile of gifts and with their jaws almost to the floor we began to explain to them what we had been given.
We talked about the nature of mommy and daddy's job, and that is to minister to college students at SDSU, but in order to do our job other people, churches, friends and family have to give us money for our food, clothes, house etc. So that is why every Sunday for the past 5 months we have been traveling to different churches so that daddy could tell about our ministry and so that people and pastors would partner with us to make that ministry happen. We told the kids that they have been so good going to all the different churches with their best behavior while meeting new people and attending different children's services with such great attitudes, they really have been amazing through it all.  My greatest fear when we first felt called to this life was my children and all they would have to go through, from moving four times in 2 years, to changing schools 3 times and all the while they have gone about it with happy hearts and adjusted so well. We have truly been in awe of our children during these crazy few years, they have become just as much apart of our ministry as we are. We are truly in this as a family and it has been so amazing to unite in this way...and right then it hit me...So with a lump in my throat and tears welling up in my eyes I told my kids that maybe God told this church to give us this pile of presents because he wants you to know how much He loves you. Just as simple as that... He loves you! So what we did next was began to pray and thank God for his continued faithfulness and love for our family, each of the kids wanted to pray and when Peyton the oldest began to pray her eyes weld up with tears and her voice cracked as she thanked God for his love and it was in that moment that I knew... maybe for the first time... that she got just how wide, how long, how high and how deep Christ love was for her.
 I am convinced if nothing else God had those presents delivered to our door today so that a couple of kids would understand the depth of Gods love for them, and that my friends, is the best gift of all. 

A Christmas devotional

Have you ever been shaken to the core? 2 years ago my family and I were living a very happy comfortable life in beautiful Santa Cruz CA. We lived in a comfy house a few blocks from the beach, my two oldest kids were happy in school and their activities, our youngest was only 2 months old. We had no family that lived near us but we had close friends that felt like family. My husband was currently working as the interim pastor at our church that we had been serving in full time ministry at for the past 4 years. The church was going through a bit of a crossroads so in our hearts we knew the possibility of God calling us on to a new place was there but we were comfortable with our lives so we often would push those feelings aside. So imagine our devastation the day we got word that our church had made the decision to let us go. It was a shock, a punch in the gut that left me shaking my fist at God. In the moment I was shaken to the core. My head was spinning with doubt and worry... How were we going to support our family? Where were we going to live? What would we tell the kids? As a mom my heart broke most of all for my children. I knew they would have to leave the only place they had ever known as home and leave their friends and change schools, possibly more than once. All I ever wanted for my kids was stability and I felt that slipping through my fingers. All these thoughts and more consumed me and I found myself laying awake one night crying out to God and saying “Don’t you know I have plans? Don’t you know the desires of my heart?  How could you do this to me?” and in that moment a heard a still small voice say “Yes, I know….but my plans are better than your plans and my ways are better than your ways.” I am reminded of Mathew 16:24 that says “For all those who want to find me they must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow me” To deny myself in that moment meant that I had to give all my plans, hopes and dreams over to God and surrender to him and that was scary, terrifying actually!! but in my brokenness and fear I made the choice to surrender to the God that I knew to be faithful.  I can say now, two years since that night, that my family and I are in the best place we have ever been in our lives. God has proven to be faithful time and time again and has showered us with blessings beyond measure. We feel we are doing the most authentic ministry of our career and we have peace that passes understanding, our children are happy and our family is fulfilled in areas we have never been before. Yes, serving God takes sacrifice but with God there really is no sacrifice because God turns faithfulness into blessings for those he loves. What are you holding onto this holiday season?  Would you consider letting go of your plans and trust God to start giving you the best gifts of your life?

* Brandon and Kendra are Chi Alpha Campus Pastors at San Diego State University. Their mission is to develop the spiritual life and abilities of the students they work with in relation to God, to each other and to the world at large. Chi Alpha Campus ministries is a movement of 27,000 college students on 300+ campuses across America and many sister organizations around the globe. Chi Alpha's mission is reconciling students to Christ transforming the university, market place, and the world. *

Dear College Student

Today was my first day actually being on San Diego State Campus. I had a meeting with a student who is interested in being a part of Chi Alpha. Walking onto the campus I felt like a freshman all over again, not knowing where I was going but not wanting to look at the dreaded campus map for fear of shear embarrassment from the more cultured classmates. I felt old and wondered if I looked it. It was kind of an out of body experience because I was immediately taken back to my college days and the faces of the students walking by reminded me of all the emotions you feel when you are a college student. Some students were walking through the halls with confidence like they owned the campus and gosh I always admired those types. How do they do it? Yet, now in my more mature state of mind I know they are probably just as lost as everyone else, others are more reserved yet I know they feel the weight of the world on their shoulders. There are the groups of silly, giggly girls running past and the groups of athletic guys eyeing the girls. There were students who were actually studying and others who only appeared to be. I caught the eye of one girl who was sobbing on her cell phone... Maybe a break up... who knows....but it all took me back to years passed and I was so inspired that I grabbed my cell phone and jotted down this letter.

Dear college student,

I see you sitting over there all alone with a Starbucks  in one hand and a book bag slouched next to your chair, you occasionally glance down at your cell phone while keeping one eye on the look out for anyone you might know walking by. I see you, I get you, because I used to be you. I know what it feels like to have the world at your finger tips yet it terrifies you all at the same time, you want to be the best you can be yet you find yourself falling short, you believe in dreams but are so aware of the realities, you think you are pretty cool and have a lot to offer yet there is still that voice in your head that makes you question all of that. You think you know yourself but you don't always trust yourself. You wish you were better looking, smarter, and more talented but deep down you know you were made this way for a reason but most days you just wish you knew what that reason was. 

If I could share with you for just a moment. If you would allow me to impart my few years of wisdom that I have on you I would tell you this... Don't take yourself so seriously. You don't have it all figured out and that's okay no one expects you to. You are young, vibrant and beautiful so stop telling yourself that you are not, because in the end it is wasted energy that could be spent enjoying your youth because one day you will realize it passes way to quickly. I know your head is swimming with dreams for your future and some may come true and some may not but what is important is that you figure out what you are passionate about and pursue that, because therein lies your fulfillment. You see, I believe you were made in the image of God, you were created by a loving and giving Savior. All your interests, passions and dreams were put there by the God who made you and they are good, in fact they are the secret to your success. If you can figure out what you are made for it is there you will find fulfillment. I pray you will learn to dream forever because when you are following your passions you are following God and when you follow God your dreams only get bigger and more beautiful. If you can do this I can promise that you will wake up one day in the near future and be comfortable in your own skin. My prayer for you is that you will get to a place that you don't care what anyone thinks of you anymore because you know who you are and who you were created to be and that is all that really matters.

                                                                             Love,
                                                                                  Your Future Self

 

 

When my heart aches...

I can't tell you what conference I was at or even what the speakers name was but I do remember listening to his words, and as a young teen still so naive and so innocent, I found some fear in them...

"In your life you are going to experience tragedy...If you haven't experienced it already I promise it is going to happen to you."

Even though I was young and didn't have much life experience in my back pocket I do remember hearing those words and thinking they had to be true. My life up until that point had been easy...perfect really. My parents were still together, my childhood was happy, I had opportunities that most kids only dreamed of and my future looked bright. When I was in that place it was hard to wrap my mind around what TRAGEDY in my life could look like or even feel like.

The speaker went on to say:

"You need to decide today... before that tragedy hits...who is the God that you serve?

I hid those words in my heart and over the years have thought about them a lot. I have studied the word of God and have come to believe that the God who I serve is one of love and faithfulness. I believe that in all things God works them together for good to those who love Him and, above all else I believe that God knows the plans He has for me and that they are good.

but the truth is... although I have chosen to believe these things, tragedy still brings up doubt.

15 years later and I now can say I know what it feels like to be going about your daily business with ache in your heart. Because I have witnessed tragedy.

 Not even a year ago my best friends brother died suddenly from cancer and most recently, just a week ago today, my baby niece was born with some severe complications that caused brain damage. In both these tragedy's I found myself shaking my fist at God, and asking the tough questions like... WHY?

Why would you allow Mark to die at such a young age? He was one of your finest servants and he had so much potential, so much life ahead of him...and how could you let this happen to not just to any family but THIS family who I often admire because of their bond with one another, a closeness that is unusually refreshing and hard to find. WHY?

How could you allow this to happen to my beloved sister -in -law, that I know only you could have hand picked for me since she feels as close to me as any blood sister would? We were all so excited! Her pregnancy was text book! They were as ready and prepared as any parents could be, but not for this... WHY?

But in my rants of confusion and anger...God always meets me right where I ache. Right where it makes no sense to feel peace yet, there is peace. I have come to realize that God can bring life out of the ashes, he can turn sorrow into dancing. He turned Marks funeral into an unbelievably powerful worship service (that I know to this day is still changing the lives of those who witnessed it.) He is using my best friend to now minister to people who have experienced loss in ways she never could have before and it is beautiful to watch...yes beautiful, because only God can turn something so ugly such as cancer into beauty...that's the God I serve.

I pray and I cry out to God and the outcome is not always what I want it to be and, I will never understand that but, I have come to trust in the God that does.

So where do I go from here....what do I do with this remaining ache in my heart?

Just this morning I was crying out to God for a miracle for my baby niece and my mind went to all the people watching this play out that don't know God yet. I cried "God, just heal her...I know you can do it...just do it all ready!! Think of all the people who will come to know you because of it!!!" and I felt God whisper to my heart:

"But for now...just let them see me in you." 

and that's it...that's all we can do friends. Show Jesus, Be Jesus, Live Jesus and in the mean time trust in his promises... It's all we can do.


 "I've said these things to you so that you will have peace in me. In the world you have distress. But be encouraged! I have conquered the world." John 16:33

 “He found him in a desert land,

and in the howling waste of the wilderness;

he encircled him, he cared for him,

he kept him as the apple of his eye.

 Like an eagle that stirs up its nest,

that flutters over its young,

spreading out its wings, catching them,

bearing them on its pinions.

Dt. 32: 10-11