Monday, September 24, 2012

Grand Adventure


"We are going on a GRAND ADVENTURE" were the words Brandon said as we sat around the kitchen table at our house in Santa Cruz and discussed with our children our upcoming move and what the next few months had in store for the family. I will never forget the look on the kids faces full of excitement followed by an outburst of shouts of glee "Yahoo!!!", "I can't wait!!!"  I remember at that moment feeling so scared and sad about the transition that lay before us but I put on my excited and hopeful face for my children. As a parent I believe that one of my jobs is to shield my kids from adult issues, things they have no control over and therefore need not be burdened by. Its only been behind closed doors that Brandon and I have discussed the unknowns and the anxiety that can come with that. So in front of our kids we have been nothing but excited about where God is taking us and our kids have felt the security in that and have been excited too.
Since we left Santa Cruz in August our lives have been nothing less then an adventure! In that short time our family has spent a week in Mexico, two weekends in LA, Peyton started Kindergarten and learned how to ride a horse, Amber started preschool, met her first best friend named Shannon and proudly knows how to write the letter "A". Baby Eden now sleeps through the night (although she still doesn't do it every night), she has cut two teeth and learned how to crawl. We have moved comfortably to San Diego into the home of our friends the Atkinson's who have made us feel humbled and blessed by their hospitality. Who in their right mind would welcome three young children and bunny rabbit into their home with open arms is beyond me, but they have done it with so much love and grace that I often feel over whelmed with gratitude.
 Yes, it has been a Grand Adventure, but we know this is only the beginning of the long road that still lay ahead of us. In the midst of all the change God has been so sweet in His comfort, so gracious in His provision and so faithful in His promises. We have enjoyed meaningful moments together as a family praying about our journey and I have seen my kids faith strengthen. 3 year old Amber the other night when we were praying before bed said "When I grow up I want to be a prayer warrior!" Peyton piped in and said "Well I am going to be a mom when I grow up" Amber said  "Actually I want to be a mom too" I said "Well you can be a mom and a prayer warrior, that is what mommy is" and I realized as I said it that a few months ago that would have been a lie but in the past few months I have found myself on my knees more times then I can count and I am thankful that I can honestly say that the grand adventure has made my kids mommy into a prayer warrior!

  Last night we got home late from our first long weekend of support raising (blog to come). With our kids in tow we met with 11 different families, drove long hours in the car, went to bed late and got up early, missing meals and surviving the hot sun, I was worried about my kids holding up under the circumstances even though they seemed to be having fun and enjoying meeting with new people (mostly because they got treats and toys every where we went) This morning as I was getting Peyton off to school I was still feeling exhausted from the weekend and wondering is she was feeling the same but she put my mind at ease as I was kissing her good bye she walked out the door saying "Mommy, I love being on this Grand Adventure" I just smiled at her with my heart so full I felt it may burst and I said "I do too, Peyton... I do too."

Sunday, September 2, 2012

The secret is in surrender

I always knew that one day I would be a missionary. It has always been in my heart...my calling. I used to love to read missionary memoirs when I was younger. Some of my favorites include Nate Saint, Elizabeth Elliot, Marilyn Laszlo and my all time favorite "Bruchko" about a missionary by the name of Bruce Olson who did some CRAZY stuff (seriously if you are looking for a good read check this book out! ) Call me weird but to me these stories almost seemed glamours. I was one of those crazy, on fire, sold out christian teenagers and I could think of nothing cooler or more fulfilling than putting it all out there for the sake of the cross. I wanted what they had... A CALLING...A MISSION...A DIVINE APPOINTMENT... A DESTINY and I did not care if it meant being poor, dirty, far from home, challenged to the point of breaking or even death... I was ready!
Now...fast forward 15 years later and guess what? I am officially a missionary! but, things have changed a bit. I have lived some life, seen some stuff, become a wife and a mom, learned the value of family and friends and somewhere along the way I became scared! I used to pride myself on being fearless and care free, spontaneous and tough, living life on the edge seemed attractive to me but something happened one night as I lay in a hospital bed next to my first born child. I remember not being able to sleep as I rest my hand on her tiny chest fighting the raging anxiety in me that feared she may stop breathing and I knew in that moment that my life would never be the same. 
Now that I am a missionary I have some reservations, I am concerned about being able to provide for my family, I worry about being able to guide my children through the multiple transitions that still lay ahead of us, I am afraid about not having health insurance. I have dreams of my kids taking dance lessons, playing sports, mastering a special craft and now I fear we won't be able to afford lessons. I know its silly but I am sad we can't get a dog. 
Tonight I found myself almost laughing at the irony! Why did God not call me into the mission field when I was younger, ready and unafraid? Wouldn't that have made more sense? Wouldn't I have been more effective when I was less afraid? But as I was questioning I felt God gently whisper "yes but now you know you have to rely on me and me alone! Before... you would have tried to do it on your own, but now you know you are nothing without me and that...my child... is the secret to being a successful missionary.... SURRENDER."
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