Thursday, July 15, 2010

"A Wonderful Life"

I love when strangers inspire a blog posting. Does this happen to anyone else but me?...There you are minding your own business and out of no where a stranger can say something to you that stops you in your tracks and forces you to analyze your life. Crazy but happens to me all the time. Today was no different...
So I just got back from a wonderful, amazing girls weekend, hanging with some of my favorite people in the whole world, doing all the things I love, and most importantly living hour by hour for me...just for me. An amazing feeling for a full time mom! I could eat when I wanted, shower when I wanted, take time styling my hair the way I wanted...all things that are hard to do in my daily life. On the last day while laying on a raft in the middle of a lake with my girls I might have sighed and said,"tomorrow I HAVE to go back to being a mom..." It just slipped out. Oops! One of the girls, who does not have kids yet, turned to me and said..."so I need to it worth it?" "Of course its worth it!" I said "everyday I smile because of my kids...everyday I feel indescribable love because of my kids and everyday I feel accomplished because of my kids...that is worth it! But if I am being completely honest tomorrow before I go home I am going to have to sike myself up again before I go back into the world that is no longer mine but theirs."
See I do this thing sometimes where I start throwing myself a pity party. It happens if I start to think to long and hard about the body that I once took for granted before I had kids and now fear I may never get back...or the moments when I think of the dreams I have had to let go of... and the time that I once cherished to just sit, either by myself or with a good friend, and ponder life and its meaning...those moments now seem few and far between. They are short pity parties that often quickly pass but I do have them. I wish I could say that I am a mom like my mom was and many of you are that just LOVES everything about being a Mom! Don't get me wrong I love being a mom but EVERYTHING? not everything.
So today was a day like everyday for me. kids, laundry, cooking dishes, cleaning, crying, whining, laughing...but today I decided to get out of the house. The sun was shining in Santa Cruz and this was the first sight of it in weeks, so in the midst of the chores that had to be done I had the bright idea of taking the kids down to the beach for a few hours. Now with children as young as mine you can't just plop them in the stroller and go, it takes about an hour or more to even get to the stroller. After several melt downs, sibling fights, time outs, owies, and not being able to find the right shoes we were out the door. Tear stained faces and all. As I was grumbling to myself walking down our street this nice older lady walking home carrying a bag of groceries took one look at me and said " must live a wonderful life!" It wasn't what she said as much as how she said it that made me want to slap myself for the pity party I was throwing only moments before. Seriously...I do live a "wonderful life!" I mean look at me... with my two beautiful children, on a sunny day, walking down to the beach...what is wrong with me to be thinking anything less?
I have been reminded a lot lately about the power and destruction of negative thoughts...After my encounter with the stranger I came to a realization that any negative thought that enters my mind has nothing to do with my kids, or my husband, or my circumstances, it has to do with me! I choose to think negatively or positively about my life, I choose to focus on my shortcomings rather than my blessings. Also, I know that not one of my negative thoughts comes from God, because nothing about the way He thinks and acts is negative, in fact he tells us over and over again in scriptures to change our have right thoughts.
One of my favorite verses...dedicated to me by the wisdom of my parents on the day of my high school graduation has often been a wonderful way to get me back on track in my right thinking. Today I looked it up for the first time in the Message Bible here is what is says: "Summing it up my friends, I say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things that are true, noble, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst, the beautiful, not the ugly, things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." Philippians 4:8-9
May the God who works in perfect harmony bless you today with positive thinking and remind you... that you live a wonderful life!


jes said...

Kendra, I am more and more impressed with your blogs every time I read them! For several reasons: first, your writing has just entered a new level... honestly... where was this in college?? LOL Also, your vulnerability on subjects that some might shy away from, you come boldly with an understanding that just about everyone probably is facing the same thoughts you are! And you're right! Lastly, the amount of wisdom and insight you gain on a daily basis, by taking the time to learn from your day to day experiences. Wow... what an example to set for humans everywhere!

Jessika Wilson said...

That brought tears to my eyes. Wow. I too spend many moments having a pitty party for myself, when really, I have so much to be thankful for. Thank you for sharing your life with us and being so humble and honest. I am blessed to call you one of my besties. You are a great Mom!

P.S. Was it the Message Bible I got you? :)